03 February 2009

I Suck Today.

Since the internet is down and I am unable to do any research, I would consider going to the library and doing things the old fashioned way, you know, through books. I would consider doing this, but I since it's a snow day, my child is home. I can barely sit here and try to pump out a few measly sentences before it's, "Mom? Mom! Mom? Mom!" Then whamo! Thought is gone.

How would we manage in a library? At least at home, we have toys and a TV, but in a library, nothing of the sort. The kids section is in the basement and all the research materials, that I would need, are on the first and second floors. The librarians in the kid's section don't take kindly to people dumping their kids off, either.

I feel shitty when I don't appreciate my kid. I have seen first hand what people go through when they lose a child. He wasn't even my little boy, and I'm still fucked up from it, too. He died two years ago at the age of five. I bet his mother would give her life to have one more day of being interrupted and nagged needlessly. I suck for being ungrateful.

This is a whiny complaining jerky blah of a blog entry.

I sometimes plug into music when writing. It helps with outside distractions. Unfortunately, the playlist I favor most is online, too, and remember, the DSL is shot.

I thought, maybe I'll research the dreams I had the other night…but alas, the dream dictionary I use is online, too.

Though I write intuitive opinion, I still need to research. Often when I have an idea, I go with the flow, but then I find myself wanting to know more. When I'm working on the novel, though fiction, it takes a certain amount of research. I keep about 3 or 4 tabs open on Mozilla with needed information on each one. Because when I do include facts, they will be accurate.

Even if I did write something of value, I have no way to publish with the DSL out of whack.

Ugh. Looks like a day off. I could go play in the snow, but I hate snow.

I just suck today.

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