19 February 2010

Friday's Funny Stuff

Wow. Since I'm not on Facebook for the Lenten season, I will actually have to return to blogging to post quirky things I read during the day.

This came from our downtown liquor store whose e-mail list, yes, I'm on.

First, in regards to giving up drinking for lent, they want you to know the following:

A Short Statement About Lent and Alcohol
Every year proceeding Lent I talk with customers about their desire to quit drinking during the forty days that proceed Easter. I think it's neat that they engage in self-denial in order to prepare for the holiday, but they are misguided in giving up booze. Western culture has been sustained in part through the cultivation of alcohol. For instance, beer from monasteries was safer to drink than water and was an important source for nutrients and calories. Trappist beers sustained monks when fasting. And they were necessary to drink when the plague infected rat made its way into the village watering hole. Authentic Trappist beers are brewed within the walls of a monastery, and the revenue is used to sustain the grounds and the monks. So by choosing to abstain from alcohol during Lent, you're really doing a disservice to the Christian tradition.

God forbid anyone try to instill (no intended pun) some discipline into their lives. Lent is a great time to work on will power and build personal strength. Of course, it doesn't have to be all about giving things up; you can also incorporate something positive into your daily life like exercise or meditation for all those non-Catholics/Christians. Nice history lesson though.

The other funny thing the liquor store shared this week:

1. Take one drink every time a NBC announcer invites you to "share a moment with the world.”
2. Take one drink every time snowboarding highlights are backed up by rock-and-roll guitar/heavy metal music.
3. Take one drink every time a female athlete is described as "America's _____ing sweetheart."
4. Clap your hands and take one drink every time reference is made to "the revolutionary new clap skate" being used in speed skating.
5. Take one drink every time figure skating commentator Scott Hamilton shouts that a skater "NAILED!!" a jump.
6. Take one drink every time you hear a hockey announcer shout, "He shoots...he scores!" Take two drinks if you're watching women's hockey and you hear, "She shoots...she scores!"
7. Take one drink every time NBC promises to get "up close and personal" with an athlete.
8. Take one drink every time a skater is presented with a bouquet of flowers.
9. Take one drink every time America's quest for its first medal in luge is mentioned. Take an extra drink if America actually happens to win a medal in luge.
10. Take one drink every time a worthwhile event is cut short to get back to the excited world of Figure Skating.
11. Take one drink every time Lindsey Vonn's leg injury is mentioned. Take two if they mention her alternative remedies.
12. Finish the bottle if the only coverage in the next twenty minutes of viewing is curling or figure skating.

In looking to see if this was a liquor store original, I found this funny slide show on the NBC website in regards to Olympic Drinking Games.

Well, it's good to be back. I'll be writing more soon. Cheers!