Friday's Funny Stuff

Wow. Since I'm not on Facebook for the Lenten season, I will actually have to return to blogging to post quirky things I read during the day.

This came from our downtown liquor store whose e-mail list, yes, I'm on.

First, in regards to giving up drinking for lent, they want you to know the following:

A Short Statement About Lent and Alcohol
Every year proceeding Lent I talk with customers about their desire to quit drinking during the forty days that proceed Easter. I think it's neat that they engage in self-denial in order to prepare for the holiday, but they are misguided in giving up booze. Western culture has been sustained in part through the cultivation of alcohol. For instance, beer from monasteries was safer to drink than water and was an important source for nutrients and calories. Trappist beers sustained monks when fasting. And they were necessary to drink when the plague infected rat made its way into the village watering hole. Authentic Trappist beers are brewed within the walls of a monastery, and the revenue is used to sustain the grounds and the monks. So by choosing to abstain from alcohol during Lent, you're really doing a disservice to the Christian tradition.

God forbid anyone try to instill (no intended pun) some discipline into their lives. Lent is a great time to work on will power and build personal strength. Of course, it doesn't have to be all about giving things up; you can also incorporate something positive into your daily life like exercise or meditation for all those non-Catholics/Christians. Nice history lesson though.

The other funny thing the liquor store shared this week:

1. Take one drink every time a NBC announcer invites you to "share a moment with the world.”
2. Take one drink every time snowboarding highlights are backed up by rock-and-roll guitar/heavy metal music.
3. Take one drink every time a female athlete is described as "America's _____ing sweetheart."
4. Clap your hands and take one drink every time reference is made to "the revolutionary new clap skate" being used in speed skating.
5. Take one drink every time figure skating commentator Scott Hamilton shouts that a skater "NAILED!!" a jump.
6. Take one drink every time you hear a hockey announcer shout, "He shoots...he scores!" Take two drinks if you're watching women's hockey and you hear, "She shoots...she scores!"
7. Take one drink every time NBC promises to get "up close and personal" with an athlete.
8. Take one drink every time a skater is presented with a bouquet of flowers.
9. Take one drink every time America's quest for its first medal in luge is mentioned. Take an extra drink if America actually happens to win a medal in luge.
10. Take one drink every time a worthwhile event is cut short to get back to the excited world of Figure Skating.
11. Take one drink every time Lindsey Vonn's leg injury is mentioned. Take two if they mention her alternative remedies.
12. Finish the bottle if the only coverage in the next twenty minutes of viewing is curling or figure skating.

In looking to see if this was a liquor store original, I found this funny slide show on the NBC website in regards to Olympic Drinking Games.

Well, it's good to be back. I'll be writing more soon. Cheers!

The Agrarian Urbanite Febraury 2010

Whew. Got it done. The new Agrarian Urbanite issue is available.

Due to some technical difficulties, I wasn't as stern at editing this month. Please forgive any major flaws! And that's the beauty of being my own writer, publisher and editor. Sometimes, I get to say, "Whatever."

Now, go read. It's good for you!

Avatar Blues or Avatar Awakening?

Chad sent me this from CNN Entertainment, "Audiences Experience 'Avatar' Blues"

It's all about how some audience members have felt very depressed after seeing Avatar. Some have even contemplated suicide.

But why? Why would a movie that is supposed to be so fantastic cause such grief?

Because the visual effects are so surreal and spectacular that people long to live on the planet Pandora.

Is this what we have become as a culture? So completely shut off that no one goes outside or visits a city, state or national park? What, are people JUST noticing how fucking ugly most of this world is due to the destruction of humans? What, are they suddenly sick of their beautiful strip malls and parking lots?

Yes, it's depressing out there. And those of you know me, know my Earth beliefs. You know how I know that if we are to survive as a human species that we must reconnect with Earth. It is detrimental that we save Her sacred and pristine places that we, humans, not fucking trample on every square inch.

There is a reason that the term "rape" is used when referring to Earth and Her resources. There seems to be a mentality that wants to destroy everything pure...like a sex offender having to penetrate the most scared parts of a person's being.

"Avatar depression" doesn't surprise me. I often feel crappy after taking a look around at the relationship between humans and Nature. For the past few years, I have really trying to keep my eyes open to signs that Nature is returning. I see it in abundance in many places, but I won't talk about what or where because I want it to take over.

What folks are truly feeling is a deep sense of loss and regret that Earth, in her pristine states, is/was like Pandora of the movie. The feelings of sadness are natural, but you know what? Don't go put your head in a hole or get mixed up with some online support group (which exist for Avatar Depression). Get outside, and do something about it! Begin by fighting for our National Parks, Wilderness Areas and Forests...to stop mining and foresting of these national treasures. Go out and picket for more green spaces in your community. Fight mountain top removal. Don't whimper. DO SOMETHING!

And do I care that a movie (ironically a BIG RESOURCE HOG) is having this effect on people?
All I care about is that that the human race wakes up.