18 August 2009

The End of Summer

Oh (said with a long exasperated exhale of a sigh tinged in grief).

It's quieter around the house as my son is off to spend his days in the government care that we call school. I feel such a sense of melancholy. For I admit, though there were days that I was at my wits end with him, I want summer to go on and on.

As school cranks its gears into motion, I'm still at the beach romanticizing about giant live oaks and wild horses while following bobcat tracks into the wood. I'm still whirling about how much I enjoyed spending time relaxing with another family as we shared duties such as cooking, childcare, dishes, and fetching water. I appreciated the constant conversations, support and openness that seemed flow so easily on the island. I liked being half naked not worried about body image while sauntering around in a bathing suit feeling the sun warming my skin.

A few more days on the island would have had me reverted into a tribal state...my mind was already reaching there wandering and feeling freer and freer each moment. I didn't pick up a book nor my journal once. My senses exploded, and I simply rode the wave enjoying every free moment not concerned with documenting or educating. As the writer, I felt such a sense of relief to release the occasional burden of expression through written word which often haunts me.

On the last night, I wanted to take a shower, naked, at the "rinse off" shower near the boardwalk that leads to the beach. Though the traditional unisex showers were merely surrounded by a few thin walls with hooks, a locking door and simple screen as a roof, I wanted to take a shower amongst the trees.

Earlier that day, BB and I were out on the bikes and found a beach access to what is called Greyfield Beach where the few residents and the guests of the Greyfield Inn go enjoy the sea. After an hour of beachcombing at Greyfield Beach (where residents of the isle get to drive their four-wheelers with their supplies onto the beach...oh, heavens, imagine if they had to walk like the rest of us?), we headed back to sea camp with a few treasures to show the boys. On the main road, nailed to tree, was a tiny little sign posted way up high pointing to the luxurious, notorious and mysterious Greyfield Inn. And of course, we wanted to see it. (Both BB and I live in historic homes in an H-1 nationally protected historic zone. We kind of have a thing for old things.)

We rode up the tree lined drive on our rented beach cruisers, and it opened to a clearing. There were buildings, a few horses grazing on a lawn and, beyond some large live oaks, the Inn. We were going to bike past it (not get off our bikes and try to go in...we were sandy and gritty from the beach and LORD we have more sense then to mess up their lobby!) when a woman halted us. She told us that we needed to exit the property since non guests disturb the privacy of the residents of the island and the guests of the hotel.

I was flabbergasted that I couldn't just bike past the Inn, a historic site and landmark on the island. The night before, Chad and I jumped the broom to celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary. In all honesty, I was hoping (since I was on the island which is an eight and a half hour drive from Knoxville) to see the Inn up close and personal with ambition to return for a future anniversary. Well, the woman wasn't haven't any of that. There was no getting by this Sentry. She told us that we could see the Inn online at the website, though the Inn sat right in front of me hidden by a few trees.

(Chad told me on the return to Knoxville that he researched the Inn before we left town. They have a restaurant, and he wanted to take me to dinner for our 10th wedding anniversary. The Inn is so particular and illustrious, that one MUST be a registered guest to dine or even sit at the bar there.)

BB and I laughed and complained all the way back to Sea Camp. Of course, we knew that she was just doing her job, but it felt good to blow off some steam as we were slammed and humbled into our commonness and peasant status among the truly Wealthy. We decided though, that peasant-ness was good because we gots the freedom to have fun (even the Wealthy try to slum it every once in while, but we ain't havin' them!).

Back to the shower. It was this truly humbling experience along with my newly tanned beach skin (those of you who know me KNOW how dark I get) along with walking barefooted in a skimpy (yet modest) swim suit covered in beach salt and sand that opened the flood gates for a feeling of utter and complete tribalism. Suddenly, all the common folk of the island and world were of my tribe.

There are many who try to pretend that they aren't of common folk, but there's no denying it. One may have wealth, but Cumberland Island and the Greyfield Inn are of the Carnegie's and Kennedy's. It don't matter who you are, you is common. If you ain't from that "old" money, you is pretendin', fool.

I imagined that I was a servant or a slave on the island and as the Gents and Women dined seven courses, we cooked over an open fire slapping together a feast to rival the best culinary delights. As the Fine People dined with linen cloths and silverware lined neatly and properly at each setting, we sucked down our food with shared or no utensils letting the juices drip from our fingers and chins while sitting around a wooden picnic table draped in a vinyl red and white checkered cloth. As the Wealthy sat in corsets and tuxedos, we let our bare feet and our sons' bare feet collect more beach sand as the sand flies bit our ankles.

And when it was all over, I wanted to take a shower the way a servant or a slave of the 1800's may have had to do it. Outside and unashamed knowing exactly what I came from, like life crawling from the ocean and completely bonded with Earth.

13 August 2009

The Sentinels

I wasn't too sure what a sentinel was when it popped into my head while trying to get to sleep after a magical episode on the beach, and I knew that I would have to wait until I returned to the real world to research its meaning. My favorite source of clarity is the thesaurus. The online Thesaurus defines a sentinel as a sentry and gives the following synonyms: guard, keeper, lookout, picket, protector, watchman/woman, watchperson.

When we arrived at Cumberland Island, we got an absolute fear talk from the park Ranger in regards to all the DANGEROUS wildlife on the island including the horses that, he led us to believe, would just as much eat your scalp or stomp you as look at you. He instilled an alarm that resulted in near phobia in regards to the horses on the island. With that in mind, uneasiness and trepidation steeped the following experience enhancing it to the tenth degree. It wouldn't have been nearly as mythological without the underlying concern that we could get stomped to death.


The Walk To The Beach

the Moon Goddess beckoned
as all her fullness
hung low above the ocean

in the dark of night
armed with only a flashlight
a walk
to the beach
through the woods,
with low thick branches
covered with dangling
spidery spanish moss,
and the sand dunes,
marked with the shadows
of plants
reflecting eerie white,
channeled stirrings
of mystique, apprehension
and veneration

on the boardwalk
a young couple stood
perched on the bench
and peering
toward the water
alarmed us
"horses. the horses
are there to the left."

BB courageously
walked the boardwalk
towards the sandy path

after hearing the horses
running through the Sea Camp trails
the night before
there was no predicting
what might happen
if
they were spooked towards us
there would be
no
safety

walking on the beach path
BB advanced
as I clung to the soft sand
on the edge
of the dunes
her excitement rising
with each step

her flashlight caught the eye
of a horse eating
sea oats
in a dune
that marked
the gate
to the beach
she continued to close in
my fear welling
in the deepest part of
my gut

calling her back
to the region of the boardwalk
the other couple left their perch to stand with us
the male of our foursome
walked alone to the edge
where the horses stood
his girlfriend afraid
that he would get stomped
I called him back
through the wind
unsure if my warning
met his ears

soon enough
he returned
then all four of us
slowly crept
the sandy path
towards the horses

as on cue
the horses lined up
the main horse
stood at the highest point
in a break between two dunes
facing us
the other horses
flanked his sides
creating an arc with
their frames
like sentinels
behind the sand knolls
awaiting a possible battle
or only allowing the
worthy to pass

we slowly approached
with reverence and
respect
three of the four humans faced
the horses
standing no less than ten feet from them
barely breathing

not stopping
nor slowing my pace
I looked up
made eye contact
and nodded to the lead sentry
in a sign of
submission
and gratitude
and complete awe
then skirted the narrow
opening
between the creatures and
the wide open beach

the beach stretched
for an eternity
as Her Divine Majesty
hung over the water
Her powerful pull
lulling me on
knowing that at any instant
the horses could stampede
and trample me from behind
at once I made peace
with the fate that may mark
my end

stride quickening
I darted
straight
toward
the full moon

breathing deeply
the air
feeling foreign
not filling me
my skin gasping
with every pore opened
needing quenching
thirsting deeply for the
ocean
like a mermaid out of water
needing to reconnect
with her home

keeping careful eye
of the tide markings
I deliberately placed my shoes
on the highest ground
and
walked down to the water
baby waves
licked at my ankles
looking back to find BB standing close by
I handed her my glasses
and
I told her not to worry
that I would return

with the water covering my feet
and the overwhelming need
to immerse myself in
the ocean's
healing waters
I walked into the sea
with the full moon
aligning with my heart
and dove into an oncoming wave

under the water
all was silent
and dark
and pure

unconsciously
aligning my chakras
with the moon
I surfaced
in the distance
from a cloud illuminated pink
by a storm
lightning hit the water
Thor making His presence known
as the power of the
Feminine
embraced me

salt in the form of tears
now flowing from within
I cried out in
human pain
feeling my grounded soul
yearning for the touch of
the Divine
yet
reminded
of
my Earthly bond
and my soul's purpose for this life

filled with relief and calm
clothes, hair and skin dripping water
I turned back towards the land
impregnated with gratitude
ready to begin
anew
knowing that I had indeed
touched the mythical
and
the
Divine

12 August 2009

Back in the Real World

Upon returning from Cumberland Isle, we had to rush off the morning after to get Chad to his ear surgery. These are some of the notes I jotted down while sitting in the the waiting room. I can't guarantee that they make any sense, but you will be able to see how far out my mind stretched.


First Night Back in the Real World
Back in the world
after 5 days on Cumberland Island
I woke (in my bed) last night
thinking the shadows
on the ceiling
of my room
were the Live Oaks
under the full moon
shadowing my tent
I could see every detail
including the Spanish Moss
(which we learned is neither Spanish
nor a moss
but related to the pineapple
family)
dangling from the Live Oak
limbs
I perceived animals up in the branches
and a tiger pacing
like I was in a jungle
I could smell the air
the only thing missing
was the sound of the waves
which is probably when I realized
that I was in my bed
and I returned blissfully
to sleep



Fading
the images of the island
the experience
the magic
the peace
the natural noises
are all fading
like an awesome dream
that you grab at and try to remember

the magic seems so far away
the sights
the scents
I wish that I had
some time to process
before thrust into
this pace
I will have to wait
and meditate
to recall my island experiences

Stranger
like a Heinlein novel
i AM a stranger
in a strange land
and i don't want to
ever fit in


Next
my brain is so frayed
will I ever piece this
all together?


More Odd Thoughts
I don't want to fill
my brain
I want to empty it.


One More...
How are you Lady Winckel?
Not the same.