This is written out as a conscious stream...
Dreamt all night
last night
and when I woke
in the darkness of night
I closed my eyes
and returned
to those dreams
like an epic...
I dreamt of pirates.
Bad pirates & good pirates.
Bad pirates out to get Blue and I
We escape
I find an ally in a
big burly dark yet red faced man
who, at first, is doubtful
and hesitant to assist
but I convince him.
I know that he is the best.
We begin to subtly recruit for
our "army".
Many show for the first meeting
the room fills
as the meeting begins
part of the group shifts
their faces become like
clown faces painted white, black and red
they are spies from the other side
infiltrating
a fight ensues and
we immediately know
who fights with us.
With no plan it's hard
to continue fighting
we retreat, intact.
We are on a ship.
I am on the bow with the
Captain- my burly pirate ally friend
and a woman who is of dark skin
with dark hair. She is dressed in white
in a Star Wars Bohemian type of style.
She is stunningly beautiful.
She is also assisting in leading and strategy
and has brought a group of her own.
She is wise, kind, intelligent and dignified.
The wind blows us on the bow
as the ship sails quickly over the open sea.
Stars shine and it is
black all around us
the sky & the water
I say above the wind to the Captain, "I'm scared."
(I felt alarm after the attack at the meeting. I sensed the danger we had to overcome.)
The Captain gives a chuckle and replies,"It's about time that you felt the danger."
I go to him and put my arms
around him. I say,"I'm afraid (of what's to come). I love you."
He has his arms around me in a protective way.
I turn to the woman and
embrace her. I tell her
that I love her, too.
Tears are running down my face.
I'm in a dingy headed
across the ocean. There
are two or three others in the
dingy. We speed across
the open ocean.
Our "army" is on the move.
We have a plan. Everyone has a role.
We are not big, but we are clever.
We are ready to die if necessary.
In front of us is a big
white barge type boat closed on three sides with thick steel walls.
The fourth side and back is open towards us.
I can see the cargo.
An all-white semi tractor truck
in on the barge/boat.
Everything related to and
on the barge is white. It is a stark contrast
to the dark open sea.
We are all moving at a very fast pace. It's a bumpy ride in the open ocean.
Blue is safe inside the trailer
of the semi truck.
We follow close behind.
As we near our destination
and begin to move in our very
practiced and planned sequences,
I jump onto the barge and open the trailor.
As I do this, doors on the shore open
and the bad pirates attack (how did they know?).
As practiced and planned, I put Blue in the dingy.
He complains that he wants his toys.
I pick up a Star Wars
action figure (Han Solo?)
and put it in my jeans pocket.
I yell down at him above the noise that he must go.
I have no fear.
I look around.
There is chaos and fighting everywhere.
I go into the trailer to see what I can grab.
In the trailer is a bed and dresser. Toys are scattered, no doubt from the bumpy journey.
I try to pick some things up.
Blue is in the dingy
and they are moving him to shore.
He is supposed to go into one of the doors that the bad pirates came out of.
If all had gone as planned, this would have been a simple move.
I am concerned that with the ambush
that Blue won't make it to his destination on shore.
If I jump now, I can
swim to the dingy.
There is chaos all around and
I hope that everyone sticks to the plan.
I wake up.
As I lie in bed
in the dark room
the birds sing
loudly. Their songs
come in through the open window.
I don't know what time it is
but it is pitch dark outside.
I remember from a Rikki Hall column in
The Hellbender Press
that this time of year,
the Robins sing at 3 or 4 a.m.
I'm not sleepy
but I guess I return to sleep
because I'm dreaming again...
We arrive in a new place
by water and boats
this is a friendly place
city-like, bustling
we know that we can be safe here.
It is not of this time (it seems back in time, yet of this time)
There are wooden barrels on the wooden piers
The buildings seems wooden, stone or clay-like
the colors of the atmosphere/time is terra cotta-like,
browns and reddish browns.
We are all going to live here.
There is no sadness or fear.
The feeling is knowing.
I go to work in an inn as a waitress/room service/maid type person.
I sense that some time has past.
I am not unhappy. I feel alert and aware. I am busy at the inn.
I am at a diner type counter at the inn.
I can see into the kitchen.
My mind suddenly remembers as I see a
woman at the counter that I recognize as an ally.
I'm trying to jog the person's
memory without outright talking
about our past alliance.
I realize that it is time for
us all to come back together.
I know that no one is far, but where?
I sense an enemy in the kitchen
on the other side of the counter.
I realize that we need to be
super sly. It's time to motivate.
I wake up.
It's still dark.
Blue calls out, "DAD!"
I'm awake, but I don't move.
Chad jumps up and goes to
Blue's room. (I listen for dialogue, but hear none.)
Chad quickly returns and is quickly back
to sleep.
I guess that I fall back asleep, too
because I am in the dream...
Modern day.
I'm leaving my home and
I set the alarm.
I can't let them see me leave the
house
I'm going to a meeting of allies
there's a car in the street with
two men watching the house
I get out of the house and crawl away
on my hands and knees
so they don't see me.
(Ditto the sequence)
It's another day in the dream
Again, I go to leave the house (same mission)
I set the alarm
I open the door
and I see the car
I think that I can crawl off
again, but next door neighbors are
arriving home
I don't want them to see me either.
I cancel the alarm because
my 80 seconds to leave the
house are about up and
I don't want the alarm to go off.
The dog is in my way and I'm
afraid that I won't get the code
in on time.
I punch the wrong code. I hit cancel
then the right code.
The alarm doesn't go off.
I think to myself that I'm
going to have to exit through a window.
End.
11 May 2009
02 May 2009
Stillwater Farm
This is installment four of Stillwater Farm.
Installment One
Installment Two
Installment Three
Oak trees hung over the pavement like tilted umbrellas. Spanish moss draped from the limbs. Travis felt nostalgic as the drove reminded him of a different time other than the present day. The straight flat country roads ran though a rural part of South Carolina that hadn't seemed to change much. Or so it seemed to Travis. Even with modern homes scattered here and there, he could easily imagine people sipping lemonade on their wooden front porches at the hottest hour of the day to escape the sun's heat. It dripped with that laid back southern attitude where there is no rush to anything. Even the other drivers on the road seemed perfectly content in their slow pace as if they too had fallen back in time. When they came to a modern highway of four lanes, Travis felt disappointment at the vast expanse of cement and the faster travel, but it didn't last long because in that quickened pace of highway travel, they soon reached the turnoff to the beach which put them back on to another slow country road.
They passed a number of old structures and historic churches. There were many vendors on the roadside selling tomatoes, preserves, crafts, and fresh seafood. The fresh seafood signaled to Travis that they were getting close to their destination.
Karen turned onto a dirt road that led to a state park. When it came time for her to check-in she said, "I'm staying here for a night, but I'll be leaving in the morning. If you want, we can share a site." Travis didn't have any other place to go so he told her okay and gave her half the money needed to rent a campsite for the night.
It was a short hike in to the primitive camping sites and Travis was glad not to be staying in a site that offered both electricity and water where big campers with noisy air conditioners parked. There were a few pop-up campers and tents, but those were dwarfed by the mighty land yachts pulled by the big diesel trucks.
The primitive site sat on a marsh. Karen merely carried in her sleeping bag, the stuffed elephant and some water. Travis didn't see any tent and wondered where she would sleep. She solved the mystery when she unrolled her bag and a little tent that fit over the opening of the bag was built in to offer protection from the bugs. She also had a bottle of repellent which she quickly applied then walked through the trees to the edge of the marsh and sat in the dirt in her pink sundress.
Travis set up his pup tent then pulled out a single burner cook stove, two packages of noodles with sauce and some dehydrated vegetables not because he was hungry but because he didn't know what else to do at the moment. He was still quite full from the BBQ sandwich, but thought that he would get ready for later. He did need to allow time for the veggies to reconstitute and soften because if they didn't, they wouldn’t resemble any type of vegetable but would remain a hard nugget that could break a tooth. He didn't pull out any food for Karen who was very quiet and introverted sad energy. She seemed to know what she was doing. She obviously had a purpose or a plan even though Travis couldn't figure out for the life of him what that could be.
After he laid out the food, Travis didn't know what to do. He went out to the spigot at the top of the trail to fill his bottles. When he returned, Karen remained at the marsh's edge staring into the tall sea grass where the birds flittered and the baby crabs foraged for food.
"I'm going to take a walk," Travis called to her.
"Okay," she said back.
Travis noticed on the map that there were some walking trails. The trails were flat, wide, and sandy with bits and pieces of shells naturally imbedded into the path. It led through a beautiful oak hammock mixed with large pine trees and some, but not many palmetto trees. Squirrels dug for food, and a woodpecker pounded into a tree nearby. Looking down, he found deer and raccoon tracks almost on top of each other. On a large tree, a long snake skin clung to the bark. It was perfectly intact, and where the eyes of the snake would be, were perfect little holes in the skin. He resisted the temptation to take the skin. The trails flatness gave opportunity to bicyclists. As he reveled in his quiet reunion with nature, bicyclists sped by disturbing the tranquility of the woods. The cyclists disrupted the calmness that Travis sought, the calmness that one can reach by being completely quiet and still with the natural world. Of course maybe the cyclists were out to get some exercise, and they had every right to ride their bikes on the trails. At that speed, Travis knew that the cyclists were missing all the opportunities of nature and that communion with nature was only possible by being quiet and still in the wood. And he thought, “Camping is not camping when one camps in the Hilton on wheels at the campground. If one wants to connect with earth, one needs to be hushed with her, clearing the mind and making oneself vulnerable to her. If someone wants the luxuries of home, rent a damn house, condo, or hotel room. That's what they are there for. By bringing those monstrous beasts and moving mechanisms into nature, one can never even come close to the gist of nature.” He found it sad that a human could not find complete solitude at sea level and asked himself, "Does that place exist?"
Travis had a reoccurring dream. He would be outdoors, somewhere, and there was a river or a lake, some kind of fresh water source. The water was always crystal blue and a quiet sanctuary during his childhood. But now, boats and large numbers of people filled the waterway making it as congested as a city street and becoming polluted with garbage and noise. There is always a secret channel into another part of the river or lake that no one knows about, but he remembers from his childhood. All he needs to do is recall the exact means of access. He starts to feel panicked that he won't find the way. When he finds the way, he is sometimes too big to get through it or he is frightened because he has to go through a tight tunnel that leads under water for a long period of time. When he doesn't wake up too soon and makes it through the tunnel, the area is not the same. It has been touched, but at least it isn't like the place outside that is crowded with people. Someone has found it, and of course, had to fuck it up in some little way by leaving garbage or graffiti, nothing that couldn't be fixed, nothing permanent. It is still a sanctuary even though not private, and in the dream, he feels some relief and hope, but in Travis’ waking hours, he felt only despair.
Installment One
Installment Two
Installment Three
Oak trees hung over the pavement like tilted umbrellas. Spanish moss draped from the limbs. Travis felt nostalgic as the drove reminded him of a different time other than the present day. The straight flat country roads ran though a rural part of South Carolina that hadn't seemed to change much. Or so it seemed to Travis. Even with modern homes scattered here and there, he could easily imagine people sipping lemonade on their wooden front porches at the hottest hour of the day to escape the sun's heat. It dripped with that laid back southern attitude where there is no rush to anything. Even the other drivers on the road seemed perfectly content in their slow pace as if they too had fallen back in time. When they came to a modern highway of four lanes, Travis felt disappointment at the vast expanse of cement and the faster travel, but it didn't last long because in that quickened pace of highway travel, they soon reached the turnoff to the beach which put them back on to another slow country road.
They passed a number of old structures and historic churches. There were many vendors on the roadside selling tomatoes, preserves, crafts, and fresh seafood. The fresh seafood signaled to Travis that they were getting close to their destination.
Karen turned onto a dirt road that led to a state park. When it came time for her to check-in she said, "I'm staying here for a night, but I'll be leaving in the morning. If you want, we can share a site." Travis didn't have any other place to go so he told her okay and gave her half the money needed to rent a campsite for the night.
It was a short hike in to the primitive camping sites and Travis was glad not to be staying in a site that offered both electricity and water where big campers with noisy air conditioners parked. There were a few pop-up campers and tents, but those were dwarfed by the mighty land yachts pulled by the big diesel trucks.
The primitive site sat on a marsh. Karen merely carried in her sleeping bag, the stuffed elephant and some water. Travis didn't see any tent and wondered where she would sleep. She solved the mystery when she unrolled her bag and a little tent that fit over the opening of the bag was built in to offer protection from the bugs. She also had a bottle of repellent which she quickly applied then walked through the trees to the edge of the marsh and sat in the dirt in her pink sundress.
Travis set up his pup tent then pulled out a single burner cook stove, two packages of noodles with sauce and some dehydrated vegetables not because he was hungry but because he didn't know what else to do at the moment. He was still quite full from the BBQ sandwich, but thought that he would get ready for later. He did need to allow time for the veggies to reconstitute and soften because if they didn't, they wouldn’t resemble any type of vegetable but would remain a hard nugget that could break a tooth. He didn't pull out any food for Karen who was very quiet and introverted sad energy. She seemed to know what she was doing. She obviously had a purpose or a plan even though Travis couldn't figure out for the life of him what that could be.
After he laid out the food, Travis didn't know what to do. He went out to the spigot at the top of the trail to fill his bottles. When he returned, Karen remained at the marsh's edge staring into the tall sea grass where the birds flittered and the baby crabs foraged for food.
"I'm going to take a walk," Travis called to her.
"Okay," she said back.
Travis noticed on the map that there were some walking trails. The trails were flat, wide, and sandy with bits and pieces of shells naturally imbedded into the path. It led through a beautiful oak hammock mixed with large pine trees and some, but not many palmetto trees. Squirrels dug for food, and a woodpecker pounded into a tree nearby. Looking down, he found deer and raccoon tracks almost on top of each other. On a large tree, a long snake skin clung to the bark. It was perfectly intact, and where the eyes of the snake would be, were perfect little holes in the skin. He resisted the temptation to take the skin. The trails flatness gave opportunity to bicyclists. As he reveled in his quiet reunion with nature, bicyclists sped by disturbing the tranquility of the woods. The cyclists disrupted the calmness that Travis sought, the calmness that one can reach by being completely quiet and still with the natural world. Of course maybe the cyclists were out to get some exercise, and they had every right to ride their bikes on the trails. At that speed, Travis knew that the cyclists were missing all the opportunities of nature and that communion with nature was only possible by being quiet and still in the wood. And he thought, “Camping is not camping when one camps in the Hilton on wheels at the campground. If one wants to connect with earth, one needs to be hushed with her, clearing the mind and making oneself vulnerable to her. If someone wants the luxuries of home, rent a damn house, condo, or hotel room. That's what they are there for. By bringing those monstrous beasts and moving mechanisms into nature, one can never even come close to the gist of nature.” He found it sad that a human could not find complete solitude at sea level and asked himself, "Does that place exist?"
Travis had a reoccurring dream. He would be outdoors, somewhere, and there was a river or a lake, some kind of fresh water source. The water was always crystal blue and a quiet sanctuary during his childhood. But now, boats and large numbers of people filled the waterway making it as congested as a city street and becoming polluted with garbage and noise. There is always a secret channel into another part of the river or lake that no one knows about, but he remembers from his childhood. All he needs to do is recall the exact means of access. He starts to feel panicked that he won't find the way. When he finds the way, he is sometimes too big to get through it or he is frightened because he has to go through a tight tunnel that leads under water for a long period of time. When he doesn't wake up too soon and makes it through the tunnel, the area is not the same. It has been touched, but at least it isn't like the place outside that is crowded with people. Someone has found it, and of course, had to fuck it up in some little way by leaving garbage or graffiti, nothing that couldn't be fixed, nothing permanent. It is still a sanctuary even though not private, and in the dream, he feels some relief and hope, but in Travis’ waking hours, he felt only despair.
17 April 2009
The Last Stand of Patriarchy
The following is my response to the article "Dude, You’ve Got Problems" by Judith Warner.
Awareness is the best defense and the first step to change. Labels and name calling, historically, have been about creating some kind of power in one's powerless life. Domination. Control. Fear.
With the spread and domination of religions that continue to suppress women and give all the power to a single male god, the dominating fearful father figure, it is not a wonder that 'manhood' is so important.
Tribal societies lived in total equality worshiping a goddess. From an unknown research paper on linguistics: "The Saharan language was so dominant within the Goddess religion, its tribal organization and in its worldwide coverage that around 2,000 BCE the decision was made to destroy it, the oral tradition and its tribal system by any means possible. This order was repeated much later in Genesis 11:7 "Let us confuse their language so they may no longer understand each other's speech".
That was the big riff between Peter and Mary Magdalene. Mary wanted to follow what Jesus truly taught and what the true Nazarenes stood for which was an egalitarian society. Peter, on the other hand, believed that women should be seen and not heard and took the male dominated route. You can read about this in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene.
American indigenous tribes called people that were androgynous Two Spirited People, whether or not they sexually preferred someone of the same gender because some did and some didn't. They believed that the Two Spirited Person received a gift from the Creator, which was the privilege to house both male and female spirits in their bodies. They were seen as being closer to the Creator and to be better capable of channeling the messages from the spirit world. They were blessed and revered.
As the male dominated religions took hold in America and Native Americans became in control of the US government and their way of life destroyed, they too came to punish their homosexual members. There has since been a change. The Two Spirits are changing perceptions.
The Kuna Yala indigenous people of Panama still believe that people of their tribe that are born homosexual are blessed. The Maori of New Zealand are a matriarchal society. These folks don't seem to have any problems with name calling and labeling.
We are living in a time of disorder, commotion and dismay. Governments, financial institutions and capitalism are failing. Mother Nature is in an upheaval. Humans' souls are shredded, confused, misled and misguided. Humans are completely out of touch with what our true meaning is. Even the sacred words of Jesus are used out of context to manipulate and control. This is all reflected in our children who are ever so sensitive to these disruptions.
I believe that this is the last ditch effort…this utter chaos…to keep control, to keep the fight alive, but the tides are changing. As we reach out and through compassion allow our feminine natures to cultivate, change is inevitable. We see it in our literature, art, music. We see it with the increase of gardens…the return to the dirt. Some people may claim that growing their own food is a survival mechanism to save money, but in truth, the power of the soil brings the return to nature. The collective consciousness grows as someone new awakens.
Remember the panic and fear that Jesus stirred in people just for speaking the truth? People hold on to what can be totally sucky simply for the fear of change.
Read this interview of Mac Ruka of the Maori by Jim Yellow Horse Man of the Cherokee in 1997.
Awareness is the best defense and the first step to change. Labels and name calling, historically, have been about creating some kind of power in one's powerless life. Domination. Control. Fear.
With the spread and domination of religions that continue to suppress women and give all the power to a single male god, the dominating fearful father figure, it is not a wonder that 'manhood' is so important.
Tribal societies lived in total equality worshiping a goddess. From an unknown research paper on linguistics: "The Saharan language was so dominant within the Goddess religion, its tribal organization and in its worldwide coverage that around 2,000 BCE the decision was made to destroy it, the oral tradition and its tribal system by any means possible. This order was repeated much later in Genesis 11:7 "Let us confuse their language so they may no longer understand each other's speech".
That was the big riff between Peter and Mary Magdalene. Mary wanted to follow what Jesus truly taught and what the true Nazarenes stood for which was an egalitarian society. Peter, on the other hand, believed that women should be seen and not heard and took the male dominated route. You can read about this in the Gospel of Mary Magdalene.
American indigenous tribes called people that were androgynous Two Spirited People, whether or not they sexually preferred someone of the same gender because some did and some didn't. They believed that the Two Spirited Person received a gift from the Creator, which was the privilege to house both male and female spirits in their bodies. They were seen as being closer to the Creator and to be better capable of channeling the messages from the spirit world. They were blessed and revered.
As the male dominated religions took hold in America and Native Americans became in control of the US government and their way of life destroyed, they too came to punish their homosexual members. There has since been a change. The Two Spirits are changing perceptions.
The Kuna Yala indigenous people of Panama still believe that people of their tribe that are born homosexual are blessed. The Maori of New Zealand are a matriarchal society. These folks don't seem to have any problems with name calling and labeling.
We are living in a time of disorder, commotion and dismay. Governments, financial institutions and capitalism are failing. Mother Nature is in an upheaval. Humans' souls are shredded, confused, misled and misguided. Humans are completely out of touch with what our true meaning is. Even the sacred words of Jesus are used out of context to manipulate and control. This is all reflected in our children who are ever so sensitive to these disruptions.
I believe that this is the last ditch effort…this utter chaos…to keep control, to keep the fight alive, but the tides are changing. As we reach out and through compassion allow our feminine natures to cultivate, change is inevitable. We see it in our literature, art, music. We see it with the increase of gardens…the return to the dirt. Some people may claim that growing their own food is a survival mechanism to save money, but in truth, the power of the soil brings the return to nature. The collective consciousness grows as someone new awakens.
Remember the panic and fear that Jesus stirred in people just for speaking the truth? People hold on to what can be totally sucky simply for the fear of change.
Read this interview of Mac Ruka of the Maori by Jim Yellow Horse Man of the Cherokee in 1997.
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